Skip to main content

When It Rains, It Pours

If you follow my inconsistent blogging, you might remember my blog from late July when I described the feeling of drowning--or sinking...since accepting my call to preach.

Here it is...

It's been...TUMULTUOUS, to say the very, very least.

It's been said that when it rains, it pours. So cliche, I know. But it's true.

My 2017 was beautiful and eye-opening, and filled with chaos and commotion.

Some things that happened:

1) Fell in love...with a person and preaching...
2) Parted with my acting manager
2) Parted with my acting career all together (at least temporarily)
3) Quit my job (decreasing my income by 75%)
4) Accepted a job at a church that wasn't my home church (#SeparationAnxiety)
5) Lost "friends"
6) Separated from my comfort zone

So, that is a lot. And then 2018 happened and....KA BOOM!

I won't go into details but WHEN IT RAINS, IT MUTHAF***IN POURS, OKAY!

It seems like the more I lean into this calling, the more I lose. The more I say "Yes" to God, the more I have to depart from the plans and people I had in mind for the journey.

At church today, Pastor Mike said, "Sometimes new beginnings are disguised as painful endings." That's a hard one, but it's true.

Eventually, the soil must turnover to produce a new crop. The leaves must fall off in winter so the tree can produce new fruit in spring.

So, I'm believing God for new fruit! New leaves and new crops are on their way; and I don't know what they'll look like. I don't know what they'll smell like or feel like--but I'm holding out for provision.

1 John 2:19 says, "They went out from us, but they did not really belong to us. For if they had belonged to us, they would have remained with us; but their going showed that none of them belonged to us."

The things and people I had to depart from in order to step into this new season in my life didn't belong to me. They might have had a purpose, yes--but they weren't necessary for my survival. For if they were necessary--if my manager or my ex-mentor or job were necessary for my survival--they wouldn't have departed from me.

I'm learning to LET GO in order to LEAN IN--to stand in the rain and hold on for dry weather--to accept my calling and purpose as the divine way of God, in-spite of the trials and tribulations.

This is my vow.

Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say: "It is well. It is well with my soul."

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Finding Love after Sexual Assault

Disclaimer: For mature audiences only
I was sexually assaulted on a first date when I was 24. The events of that evening landed me in Harlem Hospital at 2 am with a concussion and a bruise on my forehead (among other things). During the hours in which I took up residence in a private emergency room, I was coached by a nurse on how to proceed--to take legal action immediately or to not take legal action...to complete a rape kit or to not complete a rape kit. It was overwhelming. I also had to take 17 pills, mostly anti-viral meds. It was intense. There was a moment when I looked up to the ceiling and silently bemoaned. "Really God?" I said, as the quick air from a painful chuckle slipped through my lips. I felt like I was in an episode of Law & Order: SVU. I felt defeated. I felt stupid. I felt isolated. And all because I said, "yes." The details of what transpired that evening are not important to this post. What is important, however, is how the lingering trau…

"We Thought You'd Be Next." πŸ’πŸ‘°πŸΎπŸ€ͺ

Recently, my little brother got engaged. πŸŽ‰ But can I just say, Hashtag Triggered?! πŸ˜‘
I was very thrilled that he finally proposed to his now fiance and that I absolutely love her. She is so sweet and brings goodness into his world. I'm so excited for them. However, during my last trip home to New Orleans, a family member was chatting with me about it and asked about my relationship, and then proceeded to say,
"I thought you'd be next." 😣
B*TCH, ME TOO! DAMN!
I did not say this aloud as I was in my father's house (#shondo #imchurchy), but everything in my body tensed up. Every hair stood up on my boiling skin and my heart began palpitating as I attempted to calmly explain why I wouldn't "be next" while simultaneously trying not to burst into tears in front of company. I started rambling about my burgeoning career--about "our" careers--and attempting to refocus the conversation while wanting to jump into the large pot of red beans simmer…

Embrace Your Evolution

Today, I learned that God's plans for us aren't final--that sometimes life/humans get in the way, and even God has to start all over again with the planning.
We may hear God speaking to us about something very specific that God has planned for us and years later, be questioning whether what was spoken was really God or some made up voice in our heads. Usually, we're interrogating that when we feel betrayed by what we thought was a God-plan that didn't come to fruition, or when we feel that God has been silent for too long and the plan hasn't manifested the way we thought it should've. We start to think we've misunderstood God.
But perhaps, God is rearranging some things--that God is adjusting God's plan for our lives so that it can stay true to the ways in which we've evolved since the plan was spoken. Perhaps, God is staying true to the ways people and the universe have evolved. Perhaps, the original plan no longer fits.
This was a most freeing r…