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Showing posts from July, 2016

(The Cost of) Living My Best Life Pt. 7 - The Journey

[Read Living My Best Life Pt. 6]

A Promise
This past Wednesday I cried real thug tears as I hid behind opaque sunglasses in a bus terminal in upstate New York. I couldn't believe that I had gotten to this point -- somewhere between trusting God and not knowing if I'd have to hitchhike my way back to New York City. If this fast has taught me anything, it has taught me perseverance. Several times I almost backed out of this trip due to financial constraints placed upon me by the student loan gods. (Girl, you know Sallie Mae and 'em done wiped out my savings from now until eternity.) Last minute planning for school paired with paying off debt left me scraping for barely enough change to get from NYC to Syracuse. Now add "Living My Best Life" to that mounting pile and you can call me broke as a joke! As I waited for my connecting bus to take me from Syracuse to Auburn, I broke down and wept ... covertly, of course. I was exhausted. I wanted to quit. My phone was dying…

Living My Best Life Pt. 6 - The Road to Reconciliation

[Read Living My Best Life Pt. 5]

I've always loved bridges. There's something magical about their ability to carry you over troubled waters. There's something so necessary about their power to hold you up and connect you from one place to another. They give access to places you may not otherwise have access to. Or, they simply make it easier to get to the place you desire to be.

I'm still processing the revelations of this evening. Today, I feel like God punched me in the the nicest way possible, of course.

What the hell does that have to do with bridges? I realized tonight that people can be bridges...connectors that help you get from one place to the next. My girl, Crystal, is a bridge. Tonight, I was blessed to attend an event hosted by her organization, F.L.A.W.E.D. Inc.  that brought women of color together to chat about how to love, purpose, and spiritual gifts. I was inspired and moved and in awe of the amazing sea of melanin I was swimming in. (Black …

Living My Best Life Pt. 5

[Read Living My Best Life Pt. 4]

Ever woke up super emotional and was confused about why you were so emotional? No? K. It's not the first time I've been alone in something. My morning started out weird. Perhaps, it's because I'm extremely tired and decompressing from a whirlwind week with my godson. Maybe, I had a dream that shook me but I couldn't remember what is was about (that happens often). However, I really think the reason has to do with me surrendering to my sober self--dealing with my sober feelings. Fasting is a detoxification process. It's not just about sacrifice and abstinence; it's about cleansing and purification as well. It's amazing what clearing your channels can do. There are all of these emotions that clog up our spiritual arteries that have been contributing to the deterioration of our hearts and minds. This morning, in the midst of my brief emotional breakdown, I experienced my first moment of clarity since beginning the fast.

I c…

Living My Best Life Pt. 4

[Read Living My Best Life Pt. 3]
What does #LivingMyBestLife mean?   Day 4 of Fasting...
I left the house without eating...rookie mistake. Except, I'm not a rookie. I've done this before. Lack of preparation is probably the downfall of many plans/dreams/aspirations. "When we fail to prepare, we prepare to fail." Somebody mama said that once. I didn't fail, but I was severely challenged at the Bronx Zoo when I realized that all they had to offer was fried foods, burgers, and lunch meat sandwiches. Gratefully, I made it through to dinner. Also, being a parent this week to my 9-year old Godson doesn't help. It's extremely hard to fast when you have to care for little ones who aren't fasting, who don't understand fasting, who keep asking you why you're not eating chicken tenders with them, who demand meat with every meal so you end up having to cook two separate entrees. :rolls eyes: But he's worth it. 
We were out and about today and I really…

Living My Best Life Pt. 3

[Read: Living My Best Life Pt. 2]

Day 3 of Fasting...
I spent the day with my 9-year old Godson at Coney Island. Whew! I'm beat! Ha. Kids sure know how to wear you out. They also bring immense joy into your day/life, even on the days when you don't feel like getting out of bed, even when you want to "call out black" from work, even when your kidneys are struggling and your ovaries are screaming. Yes, I went there! The joy I felt when I saw his wide-open smile as we flew through the drizzling rain on a ride at Luna Park was the best kind of self-care a militant, angry black woman could ask for.

Today, fasting wasn't difficult. There were moments when I wished I could indulge in that bag of cookies or an order of fries from Nathan's. I wearily walked past my bottle of bourbon at home with the most disgruntled and powerless expression. I still miss my vices, but I'm okay. Spending time with my Godchild helped me formulate today's expectation:

I expect a G…

Living My Best Life Pt. 2

[Read: Living My Best Life Pt. 1]

Day 2 of Fasting...

A few hours after publishing my last post, I was confronted by the despicable news of the Alton Sterling assassination by cops in Baton Rouge, LA. If you haven't been living under a rock and actually care about the state of humanity, you'll understand why this heartbreaking and gut-wrenching event halted my writing. I still prayed today, and meditated, and continued being intentional about declaring my expectations during this time of sacrifice and abstinence; however, it felt incredibly selfish and challenged my perception of self-preservation during times of national crisis.  I walked past a bottle of bourbon in my kitchen several times as I considered taking a shot or six to numb the lack of pain I felt regarding the most recent assassination. I felt kinda bad for not shedding a tear--that my heart, as much as I wanted it to, did not skip a beat while watching somebody's black father/husband/son/brother/neighbor get s…

Living My Best Life Pt. 1

Daniel Fast Day #1!

I'm super excited about everything God has in store for me. It has been an incredible year already! I got accepted into Union Theological Seminary with a scholarship, I celebrated my 27th birthday on the shores of the Atlantic, I released a single, I booked some incredible performance opportunities that took me across country, and I got to celebrate my mom's 65th birthday with her in New Orleans! Whew!! I'm overflowing with gratitude and love! This time last year, I was overworked, overwhelmed, and felt severely under-appreciated. My validation was still connected to external forces that I had no control over (even though I thought I did). It was a rocky year full of incredible highs and earthshaking lows--amazing career moves met with the death of my best friend. I spent most of the year grieving through a grin, smiling over invisible tears. On December 30th, 2015, I woke up and decided that I was going to live my best life in 2016.

When I fasted a fe…