I. I sometimes feel as if I've mistepped--as if I've offended someone or embarrassed myself. I'm constantly working through that as someone new to ministry, but also as someone who has a strong idea of what they desire and the will to stand my ground.
II. I try my best to be open to the newness of this divine assignment and all that it comes with; yet, I'm also trying to embrace all the parts of myself that I've laid aside for this calling.
III. I'm trying to figure out a way to live all of my dreams. I feel like I'm failing at this. It is painful.
IV. I wonder, often, if I'm making the right decisions in my personal life--if I'm being intentional enough about my desires and if I'm honoring my body's visceral reactions to things that bring me joy and things that cause distress. I feel as if I have a grip on this, professional, but am struggling with this on a more intimate level.
V. In terms of preaching, I'm trying to embrace this newfound confidence while staying humble. My stomach still turns in knots hours before I preach. I'm still experiencing major sleep deprivation the night before I preach. Yet, when I get up to the pulpit, I feel this amazing new confidence that I'm both grateful for and afraid of. I just don't ever want to let my confidence turn into cockiness.
This is the journey.