Skip to main content

Love Is Complicated

I was watching a trailer for the new season of Black Love [OWN] and I was reacquainted with the reality that love is complicated. We keep trying to un-complicate it. We keep trying to make it fit into a neat box that is one-size fits all, but that's simply not how it works. I've been thinking a lot about this lately--about how love makes us confront who we are, daily. Love provides us a mirror that shows us everything that is beautiful and ugly about ourselves. Love is hard--loving oneself is hard; thus, loving others adds complexity to that difficulty. 

I want to hold space in this year of life for the complexities of love--for the gut-turning and heart-wrenching unexpectedness of love. I want to be surprised by love--by how it can stretch you and expand the realm of what you thought was possible--emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Even amidst the disappointments that come along with loving others--because humans are imperfect--I want to embrace a grace that can accompany the way of love. I want to be ready to love

What would that look like?
     if we readied ourselves for love the way we ready ourselves for school or for our careers? 
What would it look like if we took love seriously?
     if we really acknowledged the complexity of love? 
Would we love better? 
     Would our love run deeper? 
          Would our love spread wider? 
               Would we have more grace with our loved ones?

Love is Complicated.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

I'm A Quitter...So What!?

When I was 8, I went to a cousin's wedding in Lansing, Michigan. My mom and I stayed after the wedding festivities to sight-see. One afternoon, we were walking to the public bus and it flew passed us to the bus stop, a good distance away. My mom told me to run! I took off jogging, casually. Frustrated and annoyed, I stopped running. I turned around and proclaimed that I was tired and our efforts were futile. She told me to keep running. Rolling my eyes, I took off in a light sprint and the bus driver was gracious enough to wait for us to catch up (this clearly wasn't anything like the brutal NYC transit operators who could care less about you). We winded-ly climbed on the bus and to this day, my mother uses this story to lecture me about the benefits of not giving up--of not quitting.
Although my mother would never want me to stay in a toxic situation, that experience has shaped the narrative around my vigorous fight against being labeled "quitter."

I'm an overa…

Finding Love after Sexual Assault

Disclaimer: For mature audiences only
I was sexually assaulted on a first date when I was 24. The events of that evening landed me in Harlem Hospital at 2 am with a concussion and a bruise on my forehead (among other things). During the hours in which I took up residence in a private emergency room, I was coached by a nurse on how to proceed--to take legal action immediately or to not take legal action...to complete a rape kit or to not complete a rape kit. It was overwhelming. I also had to take 17 pills, mostly anti-viral meds. It was intense. There was a moment when I looked up to the ceiling and silently bemoaned. "Really God?" I said, as the quick air from a painful chuckle slipped through my lips. I felt like I was in an episode of Law & Order: SVU. I felt defeated. I felt stupid. I felt isolated. And all because I said, "yes." The details of what transpired that evening are not important to this post. What is important, however, is how the lingering trau…

For Colored Girls Who Aren't Afraid to Acknowledge Their Therapist, Pt. 2

A lot of people have read my earlier post (For Colored Girls Who Aren't Afraid to Acknowledge Their Therapist, Pt. 1) about being a strong black woman who unashamedly has a therapist. I've gotten a few comments like:
"Mia! You've always seemed like you had it all together! I'm surprised."
"Mia, this is my life! I've had/I'm having trouble finding a therapist too!"
"I had no idea therapy costs that much! Why won't insurance cover mental health care like they cover everything else?"
1.So, let me say this: I'm grateful to know that I am not alone in this process--that there are friends and colleagues who are doing or want to do work on themselves so that they, too, can be healthy. My generation might be deemed selfish or self-absorbed by older onlookers, but many of us are outchea tryna to cultivate the best version of ourselves--the version our families and communities expect from us. We ain't just outchea overachieving for …