When Tears Freeze

I wanted to cry so badly today. It started around 5 pm as I made my way from the A train at 125th street to the supermarket near school to pick up a refreshment for my intern-small group. I started reflecting on my life, especially the past 4 years--the ups and downs...the tears and the triumphs. I do this often, after I hit a milestone or during the weeks leading up to my birthday. The 4-year anniversary of a devastatingly life-changing event just passed and I thought about where I was 4 years ago, comparing that to where I am now. So much has changed, and yet, some things have come back into sameness. I was in my 2nd and final semester of grad school at NYU (full-time status), depressed and hurting, yet pushing my way through the pain while working a full-time job. I remember waking up everyday after very little sleep, showering, and filling myself with just enough energy to put my hand on the door knob, turn it, and exit my apartment. I always had just enough energy to make it to and on the train, down to the village, through class, to work, and back home again. I seriously don't know how I did it! I'm still amazed at how little sleep I got and how much weight I lost that year. But I made it through, and with a 3.975 gpa! #AskAboutYaGirl

Today, I was sad--but I remembered. I remembered that I pushed through one of the most difficult times in my life once upon a time and made it out alive, well enough to not only see the other side, but to enjoy it fully. I pray that for each of you, today. I pray that you not only make it to the other side, but that you can live to enjoy that freedom fully. I pray the same for myself. I wanted to cry so badly today--I wanted so much to lament over all that I've lost over the past year and a half--but my tear ducts froze. The water would not drip. The dry heaving and nose-snotting would have to be postponed for another time. I thought I was due for a cry but, perhaps, I was due for reflection. Perhaps, I was due for release. Perhaps, I was due for revival.

be blessed folks.

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