Skip to main content

#MyBodySpeaks

I went to bed fighting last night...

Or shall I say, this morning. 
Fighting for sleep--for rest--for peace of mind.

I'm exhausted--physically, mentally, and emotionally--but I press on. We all have to. I'm picking myself by the boot straps and everyday, I'm making the choice to get out of bed, brush my teeth, shower, get clothed, and put my hand on the door knob--go to work or school, come home and reflect, and do it all over again. I sometimes find a way to eat at least one proper meal a day.

I'm amazed at how much a seemingly mindless or rudimentary routine can serve one in times of deep grief and stress. It's like, my body knows what needs to be done for me. My body is my saving grace.

I have to remind myself of that, often...remind myself to be nicer to her--my body. I have remind myself to listen to her (mostly)--to really hear and interpret what she's trying to say to me. For example, I practice a vegan diet about 4 days of the week; BUT, if my body wants Chobani yogurt or rotisserie chicken, she's gonna get what she deserves! I mean, like why not?

We bargain so much in life--should I wear this or that? Should I go to the gym or not? Should I finish this professor's homework or the other's? I mean, we're constant making decisions--constantly negotiating our lives? Should I date this person because they have XYZ or should I wait for the person who offers ABX? God, if I do this, will you do that?! I mean, so many choices, so many decisions, SOOO much deliberating...so much bargaining. Not enough listening.

So I eat what I feel is best for my closest informant--my body. I get in bed at 8pm if I feel like it because #mybodyspeaks. I have praise & worship at 2 o'clock in the morning because #mybodyspeaks.

My body speaks exhaustion today. I got a lot accomplished working on about 4 hours of sleep. I'm proud of myself, but my body is speaking rest, not celebration, in this moment.

So good night, world. Let your body lead you to greater clarity. Let your body heal. Let your body speak.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

It's Cheaper To Die

This past December, I sat down with my checking accounts after my rent was paid, and I added up all of the past due medical bills that had been piling up for months (some, for years). I deduced that I had the funds to finally pay off the $500+ of unpaid bills--bills from the colonoscopy I had in 2014 and the biopsies I got done in November (nothing malignant was found). I was so proud of myself for paying off my medical bills at the end of the year. It felt like a tiny weight of debt was lifted from my aching back.
In January, however, I got slammed with a new set of unexpected and hefty medical bills and, honestly, my friends, it's cheaper to die. 😶
When you go to the doctor or dentist these days, there is a lot of lack of clarity about how much things cost. I knew I'd have to pay for some of the colonoscopy and x-ray, and I did so up front, but I wasn't expecting the unexpected remainder that my insurance suddenly decided not to cover to slap me across the face with th…

Surviving the Community that Supports R. Kelly (and Men Like Him)

Read Finding Love After Sexual AssaultHere
_______________________
My brilliant colleague, Danielle Williams Thiam, preached a sermon this fall on the rape of Tamar (2 Samuel 13). In her sermon she pointed out all the ways in which, not just Amnon, but the community and world in which Tamar lived participated in her rape. "Rape is a communal sin," she preached. I honor her words as a sexual assault survivor and as an advocate for holding the collective responsible for the violation of women's bodies, particularly the bodies of black and brown girls. ______________________
For every person who knew that Deacon so-and-so (who was in with the pastor) was touching little girls and turned their heads cuz they didn't want to 'fall out' with the pastor-
REPENT.
For every person who stood outside a closed door knowing that what was going on behind that door involved an abuse of power that ravaged a female body-
REPENT.
For every lawyer who knowingly defended a guilty…

Pile Up Your Affirmations

I haven't blogged in a while. I suppose it's due to many reasons. First, many of you know that I relocated to Charlotte, North Carolina at the beginning of April. I got the offer of a lifetime to come down here and do full-time ministry, focusing on the fields of spiritual formation and community outreach--which are two of my favorite things in ministry. I left New York after 8 LONG years of hustling and self-discovery, saying "yes" to God and the unknown yet again. For my final sermon in New York, I preached about God's command to varying groups of people in the book of Genesis to "fill the earth" (Gen 1:28, Gen 9:1, Gen 9:7). I  knocked down the Towers of Babel that I'd built over the years and I ventured forth into the mystery. 
This journey has been a tumultuous one. It has been one of many ups and downs over the past 18 months. For the most part, I am grateful--grateful for the opportunities that have come my way--for the accolades, for the aw…