Recently, my little brother got engaged. 🎉
But can I just say, Hashtag Triggered?! 😑
I was very thrilled that he finally proposed to his now fiance and that I absolutely love her. She is so sweet and brings goodness into his world. I'm so excited for them. However, during my last trip home to New Orleans, a family member was chatting with me about it and asked about my relationship, and then proceeded to say,
"I thought you'd be next." 😣 B*TCH, ME TOO! DAMN!
I did not say this aloud as I was in my father's house (#shondo #imchurchy), but everything in my body tensed up. Every hair stood up on my boiling skin and my heart began palpitating as I attempted to calmly explain why I wouldn't "be next" while simultaneously trying not to burst into tears in front of company. I started rambling about my burgeoning career--about "our" careers--and attempting to refocus the conversation while wanting to jump into the large pot of red beans simmer…
Today, I learned that God's plans for us aren't final--that sometimes life/humans get in the way, and even God has to start all over again with the planning.
We may hear God speaking to us about something very specific that God has planned for us and years later, be questioning whether what was spoken was really God or some made up voice in our heads. Usually, we're interrogating that when we feel betrayed by what we thought was a God-plan that didn't come to fruition, or when we feel that God has been silent for too long and the plan hasn't manifested the way we thought it should've. We start to think we've misunderstood God.
But perhaps, God is rearranging some things--that God is adjusting God's plan for our lives so that it can stay true to the ways in which we've evolved since the plan was spoken. Perhaps, God is staying true to the ways people and the universe have evolved. Perhaps, the original plan no longer fits.
This was a most freeing r…
I woke up this morning with a sore throat.
I'm about 15 pages from being done with this semester.
It's been a painful journey.
My paper will be late.
I've already made peace with that.
I can't be Superwoman--
Maybe in a few months,
I'll put on my breastplate and reclaim my throne.
I feel silenced.
I wish I could tell the world what broke me-- Who broke me--
Why I'm struggling to meet deadlines--
Why my body is shutting down.
But I won't, because brokenness won't become me.
Just because I can't be Superwoman today,
doesn't mean I can't be whole tomorrow.
And so, I press on.