It is my practice that I evaluate and re-evaluate my life in all it's truths and fallacies--in all it's glory and darkness--through sickness and in health. I do believe that I am married to the better version of myself, so I have to constantly look at my relationship with myself and how we relate to world, and evaluate how my past affects my present affects my future.
The past couple of months, I've seen life's truest colors--good and bad--a rainbow of disappointment received from people along side the darkest cloud that provided the professional successes that rained upon me. I've come to know myself a little better as I've excavated the hole where my old soul used to be. I had a soul transplant. After my transplant, I gained peace; I gained clarity; but most importantly, I gained a deeper understanding of myself and how I relate to others.
I'm a giver. Ever since I was a little girl, I've been giving. My mom always says that I was a very generous little person. I remember giving my lunch money away to other school kids. I used to buy other kids breakfast (which was only $0.50 back then). I always brought treats for the class and when it was my bday, my momma threw down for my school party-I'm a giver; that's how I relate to the universe. Now in my older age, my giving goes beyond $0.50 school lunches. It goes beyond class parties. Now, I'm giving my time, or a listening ear, or a home-cooked dinner when my friend is sick. I'm giving advice. I'm giving healing through my words or my music. And as much as I give, I expect nothing in return. Nothing.
There are many women (in particular) like me who are givers. It's in our nature. However, there comes a time when even the caretaker needs a caretaker. Recently, within the past 3 years of my life, I've found myself worn out; I'm more tired than normal--emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally. It seems that certain people have been sucking the energy out of me. I give and give and give...and they take and take and take. I give and they take....never attempting to give anything back to me. You know those individuals and organizations that take of your time and spirit unapologetically--those people who only call you when they need something, never just to say hello. Or those organizations that are held together solely by you. You give and you give, and they take, never giving back to you.
And I don't do things for recognition or a pat on the back. I do them simply because I'm a giver. And now, I'm finally giving to myself. All the time, money, advice, hospitality, and spiritual guidance I've been giving to others for so many years, I'm finally giving to myself, so that the current me can match the better version of myself.
I encourage you--the givers of the world-- to consider the magnitude at which you give to others and double that giving to yourself. Keep giving for it is your nature, but know that we cannot give that which we don't have--if we lose ourselves in giving to others, we have essentially lost the entire meaning of giving. I challenge you--givers--to take note of the takers in your life. Stand up to them. Do not allow them to suck anymore time, energy, or resources out of you. You shan't allow the people and things of this world to take your joy from you! Live freely; give freely...to the world, but to yourself first.
I'm a giver. I give this to you. :)