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Your "But" Is Not About Me - The Dating Chronicles: Part VII




[Read The Dating Chronicles Part VI Here]

Note: I think it's important to note that the experiences I write/tweet/blog/instagram about are a collection of experiences that have happened to me, and others, over time (so not just yesterday). If I've dated you and you're reading this, feel some type of way if you want. As I always say, "If the shoe fits..."-Thanks, management.

In dating, I've often encountered the guy who's like, "you're so sweet, but..." or "you're such a phenomenal woman, but..." It took me a while to realize that the "but" was not about me. I mean I've heard the list: "You're amazing," "you're awesome," "you're incredibly intelligent and sexy," "you're talented and beautiful," BUT... It even goes beyond dating and into our professional lives. And most times the "but" is not about us. The "but," a powerful conjunction that is used to express difference or introduced a new (and usually opposing) thought, is a separation between the aforementioned attributes pertaining to you and the other person's issues and insecurities that follow. Most of the time in dating, the "but" is followed by something silly like, "I'm just not ready for a relationship," or "I'm still seeing other people." What I've learned to do when I hear "but" is rephrase the statement in my head. "Mia, you're awesome and super sweet, but I'm not ready for this" really means, "You're awesome, but I'm emotionally unavailable." "Mia, you're amazingly intelligent and beautiful, but I can't decide if you're the one for me," equals, "You're great but I'm an asshole who can't stop serial dating." And that's okay because your "but" is not about me. Go serial date as far away from me as possible, please and thank you! Move your "but" and your butt in the opposite direction of my greatness! Your issues aren't about me. Your insecurities aren't about me. Your emotional unavailability isn't about me. Your unwillingness to commit isn't about me. It's such an overwhelmingly joyful feeling to get to a place where you realize that your greatness is not connected to or affected by someone else's downward disposition. Keep being you, fully and intentionally. Believe that the right person will come along and that the only but(t) you'll be worrying about is the one that looks good in a bathing suit. HELLO!


Stay fly folks!
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