Day 13 of Sobriety...

Welp, I made it through New Year's Eve sober and was completely fine with that. At midnight, my friend, her 3-year old son, and I toasted to 2015 with a glorious glass of bubbly ginger beer! Ha! I woke up this morning in my right mind and without a hangover headache! It’s weird, still. I didn't realize until this week how much of a friend alcohol was. I feel like I lost someone close to me, and by choice; it's as if I murdered my best friend. I'm determined to complete at least 30 days of sobriety. My relationship with alcohol hasn't been extremely problematic. I mean, I used to drink before working at the restaurant sometimes, never before a rehearsal, sometimes during a late night singing gig, never before church, sometimes after church, always on dates, sometimes during writing sessions... I don't think I'm an alcoholic. Then again, does any alcoholic think he or she has a problem? I am mostly on this journey to test my self-control and move through the universe with an unaltered state of mind. I want to be full of things that matter, and I'm making space for those things by detoxing my mind, body, and spirit.

I don't have much to say in this post. I'm bored today--too lazy to move, too wired to sleep. I feel extremely unproductive and the usual feeling of "I'm not doing enough" is creeping into bed with me. It's the first day of a new year and I have no resolutions. My new year began on December 20th (See post). My only public proclamation is to be a better lover--to love God more deeply, to love others more freely, and to love myself more effectively. And I'm still trying to figure out what love is...

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"Where Do You See Yourself in 5 Years?"

Today (December 1st, 2020), Facebook reminded me that 5 years ago, I wrapped up a 5-week run of Ain't Misbehavin' at Portland Center Stage in Oregon, and flew back to New York City to re-enter my life there. I had just applied to seminary a few days before Thanksgiving and was excited about the possibility of leaning into this strong calling I felt to deepen my theological knowledge. I was still under the illusion that I'd be able to maintain some sort of performance career, so I kept my manager, Greg, and he'd continue sending me out on auditions. I was becoming very picky about what I'd say "yes" to-- Would I go on that national tour of Hamilton that he wanted to send me on or would I go to seminary? Would I leave to do a 9-month stint in After Midnight on an international cruise ship or would I go to seminary? That was the question over and over again. I decided that I'd still do local stuff in NYC or short stints in other cities. Even as I ente...

A Call to Slowdown

On March 30, 2017, I wrote a caption under a picture I posted of me preaching my very first public sermon in James Chapel at Union Theological Seminary in the City of New York. The sermon was entitled, “I Have an Issue of Blood.” To my surprise, at the end of my moment of sermonic exploration – what was originally supposed to be a spoken word piece but quickly grew into something beyond my wildest imagination – I got a standing ovation. It was… odd . I thought to myself, “Why are these people standing and clapping for me? I’m not a preacher.” Folks came up to me after to convey their appreciation for the message. Someone in the congregation shared a picture they took of me. I posted it on Instagram and Facebook the next day with the caption: “I sometimes feel like there's a person running ahead of me—the person that God is calling me to be—and I'm running behind her trying to catch up as she runs faster and faster. And I don't know where's she's going but I know i...

Why I Quit Church...

On Sunday I quit church... for the day, at least. It was the most beautiful and painfully passionate act of self-care I've ever done. Hi. My name is Mia, and I live with an anxiety disorder. It's 4:30 on Sunday morning. My first alarm intrudes on the three hours of sleep I've managed to acquire. I begrudgingly assess the state of my vocal cords and decide whether or not they are well enough for me to sleep another thirty minutes. I hit snooze. Minutes later, my second alarm assaults my rem cycle. I pimp-slap my iPhone and decide whether or not I'm going to steam (a process in which I stand over a pot of boiling water for fifteen minutes to lubricate my cords). I, instead, opt for the less time consuming process of making tea, buying me an extra fifteen minutes of sleep. at 5:15, my third and final alarm goes off. I roll out of bed and into the shower. As I lather, I do minor vocal warm-ups and meditate. It's 6:05. I'm clothed, tea is made, hair is done,...

God and Wine

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