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Love Letter: the Music in Me




I think I fell in love with you when I was 13-- when I discovered the power you had over my life or the power you placed within me. Or maybe I fell in love with you when my fingers first graced the ebony and ivories of the wooden piano in my childhood home. Or maybe, it was long before that. Perhaps, I subconsciously fell in love with you while in my mothers womb--The sweet sounds of my father's genius fingers or my mother's angelic voice providing comfort as I sprouted from a seed in life's garden. Or perhaps, it was at conception. I don't quite remember the exact moment, year, month, week, age, or time of day. I just know that I woke up one day in a whirlwind romantic affair with you. All of a sudden, a life without you was unimaginable. Even when it seemed more painful to live with you than without you, you stuck by be and never let me go. I owe so much to you. So much of who I am is YOU. 

I often think to myself, will I ever be able to love another? Will our love affair always take precedence over my relationships with others? Will I always feel like I'm cheating on them with you? Or maybe cheating on you with them? Will you ever set me free to be, or can I not be me with you? I owe so much to you. So much of who I am is YOU. 

I've thought about breaking things off...ending things with you. I've strongly considered the possibility of being "normal"...whatever that means...except, without you, I feel empty. You are the surge of energy that boils by blood and calms my spirit. My souls cries for you. In my darkest hours, you bring me fluorescent harmonies. I am healed by you. In moments of overwhelming simplicity, you fill my mind with melodic counterpoint. I am healed by you. In moments of monotony, you syncopate the beats of my heart, allowing me to move apart from the rest...and in that separation from all that is "ordinary" and "holy," you have allowed me to become EXTRAORDINARY. With you I reach new heights and I climb new fears. You have healed me. I could forever be indebted to you but I've decided to use you as a source of spiritual growth and show you off as an example of all that's good and perfect in my life. I will live my life forever trying to give to the world all that you have given to me. 

Maybe I've fallen in love with you time and again. Maybe, with love, there is no specific moment, year, month, week, age or time of day. Maybe, like a colorful landscaped garden, love grows where it is carefully nurtured. Or maybe, love grows wildly like the weeds of a vast country field. Whenever or however it grows, it happens and, like an uneven time signature of 5/4 or 7/8, catches us off guard. What I know for sure is that my love for you runs deeper than any ocean or higher than any mountain. I am healed by you. I am you and you are me. 

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