Your "But" Is Not About Me - The Dating Chronicles: Part VII

[Read The Dating Chronicles Part VI Here]

Note: I think it's important to note that the experiences I write/tweet/blog/instagram about are a collection of experiences that have happened to me, and others, over time (so not just yesterday). If I've dated you and you're reading this, feel some type of way if you want. As I always say, "If the shoe fits..."-Thanks, management.

In dating, I've often encountered the guy who's like, "you're so sweet, but..." or "you're such a phenomenal woman, but..." It took me a while to realize that the "but" was not about me. I mean I've heard the list: "You're amazing," "you're awesome," "you're incredibly intelligent and sexy," "you're talented and beautiful," BUT... It even goes beyond dating and into our professional lives. And most times the "but" is not about us. The "but," a powerful conjunction that is used to express difference or introduced a new (and usually opposing) thought, is a separation between the aforementioned attributes pertaining to you and the other person's issues and insecurities that follow. Most of the time in dating, the "but" is followed by something silly like, "I'm just not ready for a relationship," or "I'm still seeing other people." What I've learned to do when I hear "but" is rephrase the statement in my head. "Mia, you're awesome and super sweet, but I'm not ready for this" really means, "You're awesome, but I'm emotionally unavailable." "Mia, you're amazingly intelligent and beautiful, but I can't decide if you're the one for me," equals, "You're great but I'm an asshole who can't stop serial dating." And that's okay because your "but" is not about me. Go serial date as far away from me as possible, please and thank you! Move your "but" and your butt in the opposite direction of my greatness! Your issues aren't about me. Your insecurities aren't about me. Your emotional unavailability isn't about me. Your unwillingness to commit isn't about me. It's such an overwhelmingly joyful feeling to get to a place where you realize that your greatness is not connected to or affected by someone else's downward disposition. Keep being you, fully and intentionally. Believe that the right person will come along and that the only but(t) you'll be worrying about is the one that looks good in a bathing suit. HELLO!

Stay fly folks!

Comments

"Where Do You See Yourself in 5 Years?"

Today (December 1st, 2020), Facebook reminded me that 5 years ago, I wrapped up a 5-week run of Ain't Misbehavin' at Portland Center Stage in Oregon, and flew back to New York City to re-enter my life there. I had just applied to seminary a few days before Thanksgiving and was excited about the possibility of leaning into this strong calling I felt to deepen my theological knowledge. I was still under the illusion that I'd be able to maintain some sort of performance career, so I kept my manager, Greg, and he'd continue sending me out on auditions. I was becoming very picky about what I'd say "yes" to-- Would I go on that national tour of Hamilton that he wanted to send me on or would I go to seminary? Would I leave to do a 9-month stint in After Midnight on an international cruise ship or would I go to seminary? That was the question over and over again. I decided that I'd still do local stuff in NYC or short stints in other cities. Even as I ente

Cracked Eggs, Nerf Guns, and the Murder of Karon Blake

Cracked Eggs, Nerf Guns, and the Murder of Karon Blake At the time of my writing this, I am sitting in my big chair, staring at my front window from inside the house, looking at the drippings that have stained the glass from the eggs that some neighborhood kids hurled at my window almost two weeks ago. They were mad at me (I suppose) because they came to steal another package off my front porch in December, but they did not know that it was a package I’d planted with a note inside. I had them on camera stealing several packages on my block during the winter break, including one of mine that contained dog food (I know they were disappointed when they opened that one up ha!). Instead of calling the police or posting their faces on the many neighborhood apps, I decided to take an old amazon box, place a note inside, retape it and leave it on the porch. The note read: “God loves you. I care about you. Stop stealing packages. -Pastor Mac.” I wanted these 3 kids who look like they ar

Why I Quit Church...

On Sunday I quit church... for the day, at least. It was the most beautiful and painfully passionate act of self-care I've ever done. Hi. My name is Mia, and I live with an anxiety disorder. It's 4:30 on Sunday morning. My first alarm intrudes on the three hours of sleep I've managed to acquire. I begrudgingly assess the state of my vocal cords and decide whether or not they are well enough for me to sleep another thirty minutes. I hit snooze. Minutes later, my second alarm assaults my rem cycle. I pimp-slap my iPhone and decide whether or not I'm going to steam (a process in which I stand over a pot of boiling water for fifteen minutes to lubricate my cords). I, instead, opt for the less time consuming process of making tea, buying me an extra fifteen minutes of sleep. at 5:15, my third and final alarm goes off. I roll out of bed and into the shower. As I lather, I do minor vocal warm-ups and meditate. It's 6:05. I'm clothed, tea is made, hair is done,

God and Wine

Search This Blog