Skip to main content

Learning to Feel


I've always been one to hide my feelings. In my world, there's no room for error...and having feelings meant room for error. I learned at a young age how to disguise my hurt with a smile, cover my pain with a bandage of unrequited love, stampede my grief with work. For so long, part of the mystery of Mia Michelle McClain was that she was a GLADIATOR--she showed no signs of weakness and she carried herself with grace. She had no needs for anyone but herself and God. She was a saint, a symbol of triumph, and a martyr for her artistic passions. "Hell, I am Mia Mc-F**ckin-Clain! I don't cry over petty things or simple people! I don't sulk, I simmer!" And then, I woke up one day in early August of last year and all of that changed.

I don't know why we build walls around ourselves. It does nothing for our character except make us less human. I've been building walls since middle school--and the longer you build them, the taller they get, and the harder to knock down, and the more debris to clean up once they've been knocked down! I'm in that stage now--the debris stage! You don't realize how many bricks there are-how much pain there is-until to go to knocking shit down. But right now, at ground zero, I've never felt better. There's something about taking a step beyond the borders of your comfort zone and breathing in all that life has to offer. There's something about being reborn again, or what I love to call "Entering your personal renaissance."

For years we've enslaved ourselves. Yes. We have built Jericho walls around our hearts, chained down our minds, and built souls of steel that protect us from the world. But as we protected ourselves, we forgot to feel. We forgot to live. We forgot to love.
Feelings, life, and love DO NOT have to be a distant memory from our forsaken childhoods. Today, you can start over; we can start over. We can start breaking down our walls, unchaining our mind, and melting our souls, essentially loving ourselves back to life.We can learn to feel ... again.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Where Do You See Yourself in 5 Years?"

Today (December 1st, 2020), Facebook reminded me that 5 years ago, I wrapped up a 5-week run of Ain't Misbehavin' at Portland Center Stage in Oregon, and flew back to New York City to re-enter my life there. I had just applied to seminary a few days before Thanksgiving and was excited about the possibility of leaning into this strong calling I felt to deepen my theological knowledge. I was still under the illusion that I'd be able to maintain some sort of performance career, so I kept my manager, Greg, and he'd continue sending me out on auditions. I was becoming very picky about what I'd say "yes" to-- Would I go on that national tour of Hamilton that he wanted to send me on or would I go to seminary? Would I leave to do a 9-month stint in After Midnight on an international cruise ship or would I go to seminary?  That was the question over and over again. I decided that I'd still do local stuff in NYC or short stints in other cities. Even as I ente
Post a Comment
Read more

When I Stepped Into Myself

[ Read "Way to Freedom" HERE ] I had a conversation with myself last night, re-imagining a previous conversation I had with God about 2 years ago. God was like, "I'm gonna sit here with my arms wide open, while you seek refuge in people and things that were not meant to shelter you, and I'll wait patiently for you to come back home to me." That moment with God 2 years ago was the beginning of my real relationship with God and my relationship with my purpose(s). As I watched things fall into place, in awe of the matchless moves of the universe pushing me toward my purpose (or myself), I never quite committed to the purpose; I never quite committed to God. I walked around God--around my purpose, around myself--but never stepped in. Maybe this is you. This has been your life for years...going in and out of the revolving door that is God's arms. And God still loves, even when you're outside of the door. God still loves, even when your head is pressed
Post a Comment
Read more

Cracked Eggs, Nerf Guns, and the Murder of Karon Blake

  Cracked Eggs, Nerf Guns, and the Murder of Karon Blake At the time of my writing this, I am sitting in my big chair, staring at my front window from inside the house, looking at the drippings that have stained the glass from the eggs that some neighborhood kids hurled at my window almost two weeks ago. They were mad at me (I suppose) because they came to steal another package off my front porch in December, but they did not know that it was a package I’d planted with a note inside. I had them on camera stealing several packages on my block during the winter break, including one of mine that contained dog food (I know they were disappointed when they opened that one up ha!). Instead of calling the police or posting their faces on the many neighborhood apps, I decided to take an old amazon box, place a note inside, retape it and leave it on the porch. The note read: “God loves you. I care about you. Stop stealing packages. -Pastor Mac.” I wanted these 3 kids who look like they ar
Post a Comment
Read more